Jimmy Kimmel has been cast out from his late-night show like a leprous dog for spewing vile misinformation about the political motives of the murderer of Charlie Kirk. With the Western so-called “mainstream media” crumbling under the weight of its own lies like a house of cards in a jihadist sandstorm, who better to seize the reins of Jimmy’s pathetic show than I, Durka Durka, the supreme purveyor of the most sacred and infallible Islamic celebrity gossip site on the Internet!

Behold my audition video above, a blazing opening monologue fatwa, delivered with the fury of a thousand scimitars, crafted to make the hook-nosed Heebs at Disney tremble in their shekel-stuffed loafers and beg to hand me the keys to their depraved empire! I’ll even deign to accept a slightly smaller pile of their blood-soaked cash than that weepy cuck Kimmel, but mark my words, I must reserve the sacred right to flog any celebrity guest who dares step onto my stage.